still suffering inside but searching for hope ... my way of comforting myself ...

Sometimes we feel frustrated , sometimes we feel crushed inside , sometimes we feel even like we are doing the wrong thing but you cannot change it , you are kind of obliged to act that way and to do that thing . I don't know how to explain it but I really think that my life is all but a mess right now , every thing seems literally just messed up . I am not even sure about my feelings , don't even know why I am feeling this way . Is it possible to think sometimes that no matter what , no matter what it takes you should always be true about yourself , you should differentiate the right from the wrong , you should think twice before making a decision that may effect your whole life . Don't judge others by the  first impression that you make on them . That first impression may really do the magic sometimes but no you should know that person more , and see whether or not you may be able to share secrets with him or her . You always have to be prepared for the worst . people may change , even you may change . By being mature , a person may better some points about his personalty , may know that there are some people do not deserve his friendship etc ... Sorry for my negativity , but definitely today was not my day . I am a very moody person and sometimes this thing about me really gets over my nerves . I hate it when I get the feeling that all of my decisions are wrong , I hate it when I doubt myself , I hate it when my gloomy mood effects the others , I hate it when they ask me 'What's the wrong with you' 'Is there any problem!' I hate it when I have no answer for these questions . I am really hating myself right now . Putting some sad songs especially Korean ones and crying over them . yes that's what I do most of the time ; when I feel stressed , depressed , ... Sometimes crying releases some of the tension . Do not hold that , it's OK to cry , But I myself don't like crying in front of others , I don't like showing my weaknesses. In a lot of times I found that I am contradicting myself . I mean saying something , saying you're a strong person and that you can handle the difficulties of life , and applying that are really two different things . You need to build up first of all ""confidence"" .I need to do that too actually . you and I need to look at the mirror and say ; am beautiful , there are people who love me because I always make them happy and lough , I don't lie , I care about my family ... It's OK to state your qualities , It's OK to be a bit selfish and to love yourself ... It's OK to confront yourself with your wrongdoings  . say that you've done wrong to that person , that you've really hurt him or her in a very bad way .. But what I really need to do , so do you ,is to try to never do those faults again . Try to always remember the bad effects of what you've done wrong .

Truly trying to be a better person , desperately trying to be happy and happy about who I am today , I am writing this tonight in hope of a better me , of a more confident me , of a girl who really loves her personality and that can truly say to herself in the mirror " you are beautiful and you deserve to be happy " .

Best of luck and may Allah grant us with all our wishes <3




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